thirdlifecrisis

I’m not good at beginnings–abrupt conclusions are more my thing. This site’s been here for over a year, and this is all I’ve done with it. It’s hard to fight the inertia of sitting on your ass. Better to sit tight and be thought a failure than to try to do something and remove all doubt.

I guess I should explain what I’m trying to do here. Somehow, as time has passed, I’ve gotten older. As I type edit this, I’m 27 28–by any reasonable account, an adult–and I’m not sure how that happened. I’m not comfortable with it. I always assumed that with such advanced age would come wisdom, maturity, maybe an accomplishment. But for the most part, it’s been a hollow, meandering run.

In general, I mean. Sure, there’s been a highlight here and there. I got married, which isn’t nearly as bad as I thought it would be. My day job is slowing killing me inside, but it pays the bills and is fairly stable, despite the economic shittiness of late.

But I can’t help but feel that at this point in life, I should have done something more. Or at least, that I should have been capable of having done something more. I’m dealing with the horrifying and increasingly likely possibility that this really is it. That what I’ve done is all I’m ever going to do, and all I was ever going to be able to do. That I’ve reached the full extent of limited potential. Third-life crisis seemed a good way to describe this feeling, as it’s way too early for this to be the mid-life kind.

I’m sure there’s a better way to deal with this than burdening the internet with another douchey blog, but web hosting is considerably cheaper than therapy.